It all began for me in 2004, a yoga practice I mean. It was more of a whim, something fun to do with my friend Julie. We were already running almost every day, so it would be a nice addition to break things up a bit. We met at a church near her house, where Jenny taught yoga for free. Jenny was a bubbly round faced instructor with a contagious smile, and a lot of tricks in her bag that I was about to experience.
Prior to this my only experience with yoga was seeing a scantily dressed man from a distance sitting crossed legged in the middle of a baseball field.
The year was 1989, and that day I was early to softball practice and by myself. I began the trek up the steep grassy slope, as I approached the top it flattened out into an expansive playing field. From a distance I could see what looked like a man, half-dressed sitting in the middle of the field. I was surprised, a bit scared, but most of all curious. I immediately turned around and went back to my car to wait for my team mates to arrive. My mind began turning. Why was he there in the middle of the field all by himself? Didn’t he feel alone, vulnerable? What was the point? I had no answers, so I make up my own story. First he was a crazy man waiting for young girls to arrive by themselves… That was my conditioning coming through from the 70’s living in Utah, but now it was the 80’s. I guess I wasn’t over it. Okay, Okay he seemed harmless enough, but why when I came into that space did I feel something? Had I run into someone at the top of the hill that day playing fetch with their dog or some other common activity, I would have thought nothing of it. This man meditating was unexpected, different.
It would not be until many years later that I would come to understand my encounter with the Yogi. Come to understand how to create and hold space. How to sit quietly with myself with no distractions, and experience BLISS.
Jenny turned the lights low and got out her essentials oils. I laid on my back with my palms facing the ceiling. I could smell the sweet smell of lavender, the clean sharp smell of citrus and the raw earthy smell of sandalwood. I laid there with my eyes closed. What is happening to me in this posture called Savasana? Tears begin to leak from the corners of my eyes. Is this happening to everyone? I tried to act natural, but there was no stuffing it. I just lay there and let the seed take hold. It was something deep, deep in my core. A connection to God and myself that I had never felt before. From that moment on I would be on a quest to know my real self and to have a context for my experience.
Jenny was not a professional, but a mindful teacher. That’s not my point, she was a facilitator. She showed up, and allowed the yoga to do the work. She planted the seed, it was my job to nurture it. I had no idea on that day, that was going to happen, but what I do know was I had a desire to know my real self-better, not just the self that I would let people see, but the self with all the faults and flaws that I had tried to hide for so many years through perfectionism. My husband has always said, “You’re a package deal!” It was time for me to love the whole package.
Is Yoga for you? And how do you begin a personal yoga practice? This has been on my mind a lot lately. Sure you can get a great mat, some awesome leggings, a punch pass, membership or internet connection. Helpful, yes…necessary No. Start with what lights you up. Is it movement, relaxing and restoring, breathing or meditating with a desire to know and understand yourself better? Whatever it is start there. Start where you are. If you love going for a walk, then resting on the grass in the shade of a tree. Do that, then practice being mindful. What do you notice…Is the sky blue or gray, are you hot or cold, are you happy or sad, and why. Do you hear birds, can you feel the insects buzzing, and can you feel the subtle energies around you? Do you feel as if you are connected to something bigger than yourself?
Learning to find your own intelligence of action is known in yoga as KRATU. This Sanskrit word translated into English has several meanings: talent, power, ability, plan, design, purpose, resolution, determination, desire, will, fitness, adequacy, efficiency, deliberation, consultation, inspiration, enlightenment, offering, worship. This intelligence of action will show up for you when you learn to be still and connect with your source. It will guide you each step of the way on your path. It will be authentic, because it comes from you, your own knowledge, based on your experience, therefore you will be the expert for your own journey. My teacher Syl Carson from www.gobodhiyoga.com taught us this concept.
“When you are inspired by some great purpose, some extra ordinary project, all your thoughts break their bonds, your mind transcend limitations, your consciousness expands in every direction; and you find yourself in a new great and wonderful world…dormant forces, faculties and talents become alive in you, and you discover yourself to be a greater person by far than you ever dreamed yourself to be.”
Pantanjali
Perhaps you will go searching for yoga, or perhaps it just might find you as it did me! Either way dare to be your authentic self , and Good luck on your journey!
Namaste, Holly
