Sometimes I feel like the Cookie monster and the Zen Master both live inside my head. Cookie Monster loves everything especially COOKIES! He is not concerned about how many he eats, how loud he is, and whether me makes a big mess. He does not have a very strong resolve, and can easily loose composure when in the presence of cookies. “OMM-nom-nom-nom! Yet he is lovable, curious and inquisitive. Cookie monster is friendly and attentive. He likes to ask a lot of questions about things he doesn’t understand. He is a big furry blue monster, who exaggerates our human foibles. His alter ego is very sophisticated and cultured, loving the theater and poetry. Sometimes he claims to love healthy snacks as well as cookies, but only because of outside pressure.
The Zen Master does his best to stay focused. Keeping his mind empty, and ready. Not longing or demanding, but full of compassion. His posture is impeccable. Spine is straight, shoulders relaxed, chin level with the floor Hands held in “cosmic mudra,” symbolic of holding something very precious in his hands.
The Zen Master is aware of universal activity, as he concentrates on his breathing. He is not confused; he can see things as they are. He is disciplined, and has rules. These rules give him freedom. Zen Master has imperturbable composure, he is not bothered by anything. He acts properly. Although he feels restricted in his practice, he is not disturbed. His legs may fall asleep, but he accepts this. Don’t be fooled by this Zen Master, He is not fully accomplished, although he may appear as such on the outside. His approach to reach Zen comes from constricting, drawing back his thoughts, feelings, and sensations.
One day Cookie Monster and Zen Master have an encounter. Zen master is sitting quietly by himself under the shade of a tree. He is still and erect as a statue. Along comes Cookie Monster with his big blue furry body, and a plate full of fresh warm cookies. At first Cookie is just curious when he sees this robed man, with a long white beard sitting quietly undisturbed by his presence. Cookie investigates further. Entering the Zen Master’s personal space, he noisily chomps his cookies one after another leaving crumbs in the Zen Master’s lap. The Zen Master is not perturbed, nor does he lose his composure. Cookie is relentless, with his curiosity and incessant chewing. Eventually there is a crack in the Zen Master’s composure, but only for a moment, and then he must refocus. This is not easy, but he has been practicing a lifetime. He is a Master. Cookie is a Master too, a Master at eating cookies unabashedly. After sometime of this interaction, it is surprising how much tension there is between them. Within the Zen master a growing curiosity is rising up. Confused by this emotion, he peeks out of one eye to see what or who is causing all this commotion. Suddenly their eyes meet, Cookie is as still as he has ever been, frozen. Zen Master slumps, cocks his head and moves in for a closer look. Intuitively their hands raise, either for protection or greeting. They are so very different, what will it be? Like a magnet there finger tips are drawn together with a light contact, creating a seal.
A calmness settles over them. They actually began to engage in a conversation. “Why are you so loud and indulgent?” “Why are you so stiff and controlled?” Meanwhile the cookies lay on the plate between them. Eventually they discovered that one way of being was not superior over the other, but rather somewhere in the middle would be nice. Considering the middle, they look down and see the plate of cookies. To both their delight they could enjoy the cookies from the other’s perspective. Cookie savored each nibble as he slowly ate one cookie. This was an experience he had never had before. Zen Master gobbled as many cookies as fast and ferocious as he possibly could. Here it was safe to explore, because there was an understanding. They parted their ways, and while Cookie was walking, he remembered that part of himself that very rarely showed up. Alistair Cookie, who was sophisticated and cultured. He smiled, it felt good. Meanwhile Zen Master, was bouncing all around from the sugar high that he was unaccustomed too. He thought to himself, my legs and feet feel amazing. I haven’t moved this much since I can remember. He smiled, it felt good. Later that day they both reflected on the plate of cookies that was sitting between the two of them. It was a delicious reminder that somewhere in the middle there was freedom and choice. They smiled, it felt good.
I tell you this story to share my own craziness, but also to bring some understanding to our human nature. Our psyches are a continuum of this constrictive/expansive consciousness, and only to some degree are we even aware of it. It is between these two poles that the central drama of our lives plays out. We are either “drawing back” constricting, or “bursting forth” and expanding. (Schneider, 1999, p. 33). Dysfunction and extremism come when we dread or avoid one pole or the other. In essence we can become polarized. Whether we become overly constricted or overly expanded, our choices are limited until we can find the neutral space somewhere in the middle. It can be difficult to find our center at times, because first it requires an awareness, and then the ability to direct our thoughts and actions toward neutral ground. My experience has taught me rarely is anything black or white, and words like always and never create extremism. I’ve been thinking about this world of gray, and how it takes far more courage to show up and be present in this zone.
We spend so much of our lives fragmented from our true selves. It takes courage to confront our fears and extremes, but it is the only way to truly become integrated. You can learn to integrate constrictive and expansive polarities by starting with a desire to change, and understanding your capacity. Recognizing the tension that is created between these two poles is essential. Anxiety can be a good guide, it reveals to us our extremism, and is a window into our core fears.
There are many techniques that can aid and facilitate integration of the self. “Reflection is a powerful tool. It promotes self-awareness, understanding and knowledge.” (www.gobodhiyoga.com). Reflection helps us learn from our mistakes, and gives us perspective. It is a lens into our inner workings, as well as our outer form. It helps us come to know what we really value, and why we think and act the way we do. Some might choose counseling, where someone trained can help with insight and visualization to confront fears and behaviors. I personally have found the most healing through yoga and meditation. Using movement to enhance body fluidity, has helped me to become more flexible in my body and mind. It stretches me when I feel overly constricted, and grounds me when I am overly expanded. Also, having a cognitive framework or concept helps me organize and interpret information as I’m learning something new. I hope I have provided a framework here for you to understand yourself a little bit better.
What I have realized, Is the conversation really starts when Cookie Monster stops devouring cookies, and Zen Master opens his eyes and moves toward the other. This is when neutral space is found, freedom is felt, and optimal living can flourish. In this neutral space our true nature can be found. We are not reactive in our lives, but rather, we are able to connect to our Soul’s guidance system. Where ever your life’s journey may take you, work to develop this neutral mind. Trust your internal guide to get you safely to your final destination.
Namaste, Holly
