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My Journey

Stories of my Journey

Musings From Holly Llama

My teacher from gobodhiyoga.com told me this, “I like to think of the movement between one yoga asana and another as the song of my practice, and each individual pose as the space between the notes that gives the intention behind the movements their personality rhythm and expression.” Syl Carson

      Sometimes my practice is smooth and fluid like her description of a symphony, and other times it is like rock music with choppy riffs and metal rhythms.  An excerpt from my journal.  July 2, 2019.

Vinyasa flow

I like to go slow – find the full expression of the pose – but I linger there, worried about what comes next.  At this point I intellectualize instead of keeping the mind/body connection.  I’m afraid I do this off my yoga mat too.  I stay to long where I am, even if I’m not comfortable, instead of using faith that I will know what is next.

     How can I take these insights from my yoga practice and apply them to my life, long after my mat is rolled up and put away?  The Yoga Sutras contain 196 threads of wisdom or threads of knowledge that help support a comprehensive yoga practice.  These nuggets of wisdom teach you to let go of attachments that are weighing you down, stop with the self- judgement and learn self-compassion instead. 

     The second book of the Yoga Sutras describes the qualities needed to change the mind effectively and gradually, from a state of distraction to one of attention.  Sutra 2:1 says the practice of yoga consists of three components: tapas (austerity), svadhyaya (self-study), and Ishvara pranidhana (unshakeable faith in the guiding and protecting power of God).

Image by Paul Bulai

Tapas means to heat; to glow; to shine; to purify; to fire; to change; to transform.  Accepting pain as a help for purification to acquire radiance of body and clarity of mind.  Tapas also refers to austerity, meaning undertaking the practices that puts your body and mind through hardship so as to expand your endurance. 

Svadhyaya translates to self-study.  Sva = self, one’s own inner reality.  Adhyaya = a chapter; a season or phase; a portion; a lesson; study.  The study of yourself through each chapter and season of your life, separately and as a whole.  How each chapter relates to each other. This is not study for mere logic, quoting or debating. The purpose of study is to become as a little child, humble and teachable. The sutras say we self-study through study of the scriptures.

Ishvara is the guiding and protecting force, divine providence.  Pranidhana = complete surrender; complete recognition; embracing tightly; keeping at the center of life.  When these are joined together it refers to having complete faith in the guiding and protecting power of God.  The last part of the Sutra refers to kriya which means action, effort to initiate with purpose.  And last yoga the process of acquiring a calm and tranquil mind.

Image by Swapnil Swivedi

     Definitely a work in progress.  Some days, weeks and years go better than others, but this is where the beauty lies. At any given moment in time, we may feel like we are not succeeding, only later to realize it was part of the plan to move us forward.  My thoughts from my journal, teach me I still need practice living in the present moment.  I linger in the past, and sometimes fear the future.  Trust and allow is what is needed. 

                                         Namaste Friends,  Holly

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The Four Faces of Avidya

Why are we always getting into difficulties in life?  Have you ever stopped to wonder if it is our perception that causes these difficulties? Our perceptions have a profound effect on how we experience life, they mold, shape and influence our personal realities.  Perception is a lens or mindset from which we view others, situations and things.  Often the perceptions that we have about ourselves and others are based on false beliefs, shrouded by thoughts of doubt, confusion and fear.  These thoughts create obstacles to our spiritual progress, and are at the heart of destructive behavior.  

Image by Brendan Church

     The Yoga Sutras, an ancient Indian text complied by Patanjali, gives us an insight into understanding the qualities of the mind, and how we perceive things.  We gather, organize, identify and interpret sensory information to create perception.  The way we interpret or understand something may not always be correct, creating a false perception.  Believing to be correct, we act, many times bringing pain to ourselves and others even though our intentions were good.  Just as equally challenging is the opposite, we interpret and understand a situation correctly, but we allow doubt to override our awareness, so we take no action.  This also creates suffering, for our actions may have been most beneficial.  The Yoga Sutras use both of these examples as opposite ends of a spectrum, the whole spectrum is known as Avidya.  Avidya translated means “incorrect comprehension”.  This idea of incorrect comprehension or ignorance describes both false perception of reality, and a false perception of Self. (The Heart of Yoga)

     Avidya is also described as a veil that covers the knowledge of who we really are.  Our true essential nature is clouded by the activity of the mind. Avidya may manifest as four different faces, or aspects that don’t always appear on the surface, and yet they are constantly swimming around in our unconscious minds, accumulated from our many unconscious actions. They all stem from ignorance. 

    • Asmita: Living from the ego…we mistake physical, emotional and mental aspects of the mind as the true Self. This is the face that we erroneously attach ourselves to;  believing self-image, positions, roles and possession we attain in this life identify us, but this is a false identity. Yes, a healthy ego serves us in this world to some degree, but don’t mistake it for who you really are.  Learn to recognize that everything is impermanent, except for the unchanging Self.  
    • Raga: The face of desire…attaching to and chasing that which is pleasurable, seems like the thing that will bring us happiness.  This is the illusion of raga, we become trapped in an endless cycle of seeking pleasure, and attaching to the impermanent. When raga is present, we might find ourselves being selfish, hoarding or clinging to transient things believing they contribute to our identity.  This perception that our worth is connected to the material world  only serves to feed our egos further blinding us to our true eternal nature. This veil of illusion is universal.  We are always wanting, or never satisfied.  If it were possible to see through this veil, we would see that the material world with its transient nature, presents obstacles for our growth and self-study, but is not meant to define us.  True contentment begins with an awareness of the impermanent parts of our lives, then learning to practice non-attachment from our desires in all their forms.  
    • Dvesa: The face of aversion…running away from and rejecting things.  When we have difficult experiences in life, we generally don’t have the desire to repeat them.  We may assume that  people, places and things that relate to these experiences will bring us pain again, so we avoid them.  I remember a personal experience like it was yesterday.  I have an aversion to hospitals. When I was six years old my little sister got hit by a car while crossing the street with my parents.  I was not with them at the time, but out of town with a friend.  I got the news of the accident, and was taken to the hospital.  I still remember walking through the parking garage, staring down at the zipper of my gray striped jumper, wondering if my sister Heidi was going to make it. My little heart was racing, I was so scared.
      Me and my sister Heidi
      Fast forward fourteen years and I am about to deliver my first son.   When we arrive at the hospital, I refused to get out of the car, as if staying in there was magically going to stop the baby from coming.  My husband finally convinced me to go inside. Most of what happened next was a blur, except I remember that I could barely breathe.  In this state, I felt like I was going to die.   We could go into the psyche, and the effects of PTSD, but that is not the point here. The point is, if we are always running away from and avoiding our dislikes, or constantly chasing pleasure, we are unable to see our problems clearly. Thankfully my husband was able to intervene,  but it took some time for me  to find a calm enough mind to see things clearly.  When I did, I was so grateful for the wise decision to go inside to have my baby.  Although it might have been a more exciting story to tell If my son was born in the car.   It is a calm and unagitated mind that can discern and make wise decisions.  When our mind is clouded with aversion it is difficult to see that the things we are avoiding may be just what is needed for growth and healing. Dvesa also shows its face as rejecting things that are not familiar, even though we have no prior history of pain.
    • Abhinivesa: The face of fear… the fear of death. This is a universal fear remaining with us until we die.  “We know that one day we will indeed die, yet our fear of death is deeply buried in our unconsciousness.” (gobodhiyoga.com) In its less primal form, abhinivesa show its face as the fear of aging or getting old, which is so prevalent in our Western culture.  This fear of aging keeps us from living a full and happy life.  No matter the money, time and energy we spend on the fountain of youth, aging will come to us all.  When we can change the perception around aging and embrace it as a rite of passage, joy in the aging process can return.  Wisdom comes from life experiences; this takes time for experiences to ripen into wisdom.  It is not just the fear of death, fear is also expressed in everyday life.  From having doubts about ourselves and abilities, to being judged, unaccepted and criticized. Our fears keep us playing it safe, at the expense of having a fuller life.  When we can come to an understanding that death is part of life, our perspectives can be widened.  Understanding that the only permeance is the Spirit, and that you are eternal can help reduce the impact this fear can hold over you.    

      These four faces of avidya, either working together or alone cloud our perceptions and create suffering.  Collectively they are known as the “Five Kleshas” or five causes of suffering (avidya, asmita, raga, dvesa, abhinivesa).  At any given time, the five kleshas can be inconsequential in their influence, to causing complete blindness of our true Self.   The Yoga Sutras say we suffer, because of the illusion of separation between our individual consciousness and our connection to God consciousness.  God is always within us, but we don’t always know who we are.  We confuse the physical reality as the only reality, losing sight of the true, eternal and imperishable reality.  We can work with the five causes of suffering by first understanding them, acknowledging them, and reflecting on how their seeds grow into suffering.  When we can see something clearly with “correct knowledge” the veil of avidya is lifted and a profound peace is found inside.  From this place we come to know who we really are.

Image by Ainsley Myles

                                                              Namaste, Holly

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A Three Year Journey

Three years ago, I embarked on a personal journey of self-study.  That desire led me to sign up for a yoga teacher training with Bodhi Yoga(gobodhiyoga.com). My intention for the training was to learn and deepen my own personal practice, which at that time was more directed towards the physical aspects of a yoga practice.  I was not exactly sure where it was going to lead me.  I knew that yoga was such a broad and vast subject, but I really had no idea how broad and vast.  I really did not set out to teach yoga at that time in my life, and I see now that the decision to take the training was mostly driven by my ego.  Funny to reflect back on that now, for at the time that was nowhere in the forefront of my mind.  There was a second driving force, that was not attached to ego, a seed in my heart for the love of the practice in its many forms.  This has been what has sustained me over the last three years.  I have completed three other trainings before finishing this initial one that I started.  Why, you might ask has it taken so long to complete the first one I started?  Truthfully, it has taken time to process the information to the point where I felt comfortable enough to share.  This was a personal journey, not the physical one that I started out on.  Through the past three years, physical things have come and gone, pinched nerves, sore stiff muscles, and a cyst removal.   I have had two whiplashes, a concussion and joint pain to say the least. The physical practice has waxed and waned, but the spiritual practice has ever increased.  Through study, blogging and deep introspection I have truly grown.   I have faced some of my greatest fears around being vulnerable, and putting myself out there for judgement.  Scary as it was, I’m still alive to tell you about it. 

    I have in no way arrived, but am still traveling on this journey.  There are still obstacles to overcome, dragons to slay, and treasures to find.

I feel so much gratitude for those who have gone before, and walked the path to enlightenment, to show me the way.  My Savior, who teaches me how to change my heart, and redeems me.  The Buddha who teaches me how to change my mind, and my thoughts.  Patanjali who gives practical tools to overcome obstacles and illusion, and many, many teachers for their wisdom, and kindness.  The path of yoga, that leads to a union with God is a path worth taking.  May you enjoy your journey.

PS.  And a special thanks to Syl Carson for her love of the practice and her gifted way of teaching.

                                                            Namaste,  Holly

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Restorative Yoga

Believe it or not, each year the American Psychological Association surveys Americans about what stresses them out.  The survey is looking for both mental and physical stressors.  This polling started in 2007, and has continued to the present, giving us some ideas of the external stressors in our culture. It’s not hard to imagine that 2020 was a lot different from the past thirteen years.  COVID-19 being at the top of the list while uncertainty of the future, and education being disrupted were second and third respectively.  Other factors listed were:  work, finances, family, discrimination (perceived or real), and political conflict. These are just some of the external stressors.  Some internal stressors might include anxiety, depression-related disorders, illness, disease and trauma.

            Interestingly enough, there might be some good reasons we are experiencing more stress.  With the increase of technology, we interact with a greater diversity of people.  Although diversity is good, and creates better solutions to problems, it strains our brains and confronts our values.  In turn we have to figure out how to get along.  Perhaps we are comparing ourselves to the top 0.001%, where everyone is beautiful, rich and successful.  This is a recipe for stress and anxiety.   Our materialistic culture puts tons of demands on our time and resources as well.  Ugg…I feel tension just writhing this.

            In this fast-paced world that we live in, it’s nice to have something tried and true as a tool to destress.  In the past I ran my legs off like Forest Gump, which worked at the time, but was not sustainable.  Hiking was something I also enjoyed to renew my energy, but I couldn’t do this with out significant planning.  Then I discovered Restorative Yoga.  AHHHHH

What is Restorative Yoga?

            Born from Hatha yoga and perfected by B.K.S. Iyengar and Judith Lasater, restorative yoga focuses on replenishing and balancing your energy (prana) which has been lost or taken by the stresses of life. Restorative yoga comes from and Indian tradition, and uses props to support you in a passive way.  Many of the passive postures in restore come from the active poses that you might see in an Ashtanga yoga practice.  The yoga poses are held for an extended period of time, usually five to twenty minutes, with a focus on rest and relaxation. The philosophies of yoga apply to this gentle practice as well.  Learning patience, faith and devotion through practice helps you cope with everyday stress.  Restorative yoga is deeply relaxing when you are able to train the mind to be quiet, bringing about a sense of harmony.  The practice is receptive rather than active, and teaches the art of “letting go”. The practice leads to self-discovery as the mind and body find a state of balance.  In this balanced state you just might find what ails you.  Using the breath and external support as tools, tension and stress is released on a deep level, which promotes healing from within.

Physical Benefits

            Life is full of loads of repetition, unfortunately this can lead to imbalances. Taking the time to rebalance yourself also restores your energy.  Below are some additional benefits to this practice.

      • Promotes healing from injury
      • Disease prevention by reducing cortisol levels and glucose levels
      • Promotes hormonal balance in women
      • Headache relief
      • Calms and relaxes the nervous system
      • Reduce physical tension and pain
      • Supports over-all health and well-being

Psychological and Emotional Benefits

            Mental health, which influences our thoughts and actions, covers three ways we experience “well-being”.  Psychologically, socially, and emotionally.  These three areas can be affected in many ways.  One way we are affected, is a lack of energy.  This is where Restorative yoga can help. Taking the time to nurture your body, mind and spirit, helps unravel stress that has accumulated over time.  It works on a deep level to release emotions and energy that affect all aspects of us.  Through this therapeutic practice, our mental state and our emotional state can both be brought into balance.

How Does Restorative Yoga Work?

          Our bodies have an automatic response to danger, this is called the fight, flight or freeze response.  This enables us to respond quickly to threatening situations, even if those situations are psychological threats.  These threats affect each one of us differently based on our individual experience, the coping mechanisms we have acquired and our overall view of life.  Meaning, what we value, where our boundaries are and the rules and beliefs we have set for ourselves.  That being said, our systems spend a lot of time operating in the sympathetic nerves system.  This system can be described as the antagonist to the parasympathetic nervous system which stimulates the body to “feed and breed” and then to “rest and digest”.

            Did you know that the release of hormones that flood your body when you go into fight or flight must pass through your tissues and then be released into your urine before your body returns to normal?  This process takes about 20 minutes.  You need 20 minutes of respite to completely calm down. So, if someone tells you to CALM DOWN, say OK give be twenty minutes of peace.  If the stressful situation continues, your heart rate will remain elevated and your body will continue to pump out adrenaline. Your thinking will be clouded, you will be reactive even when you KNOW that a different response is called for.  Cortisol is also released; this hormone initially promotes survival and motivates us for success.  If the stress is chronic (ongoing) cortisol dysfunction can occur.  There is a large body of evidence linking the relationship between stress and pain.  Cortisol is a potent anti-inflammatory and glucose mobilizer, but if cortisol is constantly being released due to prolonged stress, it does the opposite producing widespread inflammation and pain.  Ouch!

            Restorative yoga aims to shift you from sympathetic to parasympathetic arousal.  Using centering techniques such as, breathing, meditation, supported yoga poses and visualization, to help you feel at ease in your body.  In this calm state the nervous system promotes healing, repair, immunity, and anabolic growth required for restored energy reserves and longevity.

            Moving at a slow pace that feels natural to you, an awareness of the breath is created. This triggers the parasympathetic nervous system to activate, and mitigate the effects of the stress response.  As your system begins to relax, an over all calming effect makes space for a heightened awareness.   In this heightened awareness, physical sensations, thoughts or emotions may arise.  This is part of the yoga experience, getting to know our true nature on a deeper more intimate level.  The focus is inward, away from worldly cares.  The practice becomes a safe place for self-exploration of who you are, what you want, and ways you can serve the world.  As I said earlier, the practice is passive and receptive.  The greatest benefits come from a releasing and surrendering, rather than a forcing.  Surrendering allows for acceptance of your individual limitations as well as your strengths. 

Restorative Yoga for Everyone

          Does restorative yoga sound easy?  Actually, it is an advanced practice, that everyone can do if they desire.  It is a journey into stillness.  It can have a profound affect on calming the overstimulated mind and healing the physical body, but it takes practice.  Releasing habitual tension, perceptions and sometimes painful emotions takes time and self-care.  Conscious relaxation is a skill to develop… a skill to un-wind.  When we can face things in our lives that we are avoiding, we can heal.  It is a practice that asks us to stop and engage, instead of running away or controlling.  Restorative yoga awakens what is called in Sanskrit “Ojas”, which means “vitality and Immunity”. (gobodhiyoga.com)

            On a physical level Ojas has the qualities of holding things together, providing support, substance and lubrication.  Ojas supports our emotional calm, our mental and emotional endurance, and allows us to feel deeply, to have the ability to empathize and to be patient and compassionate.  When we are in balance, we feel a sense of contentment.   The practice of restorative yoga gives us the opportunity to turn inward, helping us maintain these qualities.  Rest, nourishment and self-care are all so important in our fast-paced world.  If you find you struggle with restorative yoga you’re not alone.  Remember, restorative practice is practice, and with dedication the mind can be trained to focus and the body can learn to surrender. It is not a one-size fits all.  The practice gives you the opportunity to discover what works best for you.  You learn to see what you are avoiding, and in turn, what you embrace. Releasing tension and focusing on the breath are key to the practice.

Why I Love Restorative Yoga

          I can be a nervous Nelly, and tend to worry a lot about things that I can’t control.  I have a hard time being still, unless I intentionally set aside time, like vacation or meditation. I know it may sound like a coined phrase, but restorative yoga takes me from a state of “doing” to a state of “being”.  It gives me glimpses of quietude, and a calm state of mind.  I have learned many profound insights about myself, by asking honest questions.  In the end, this awareness has enlightened me and helped me on my path of transformation.  Like always, good luck on your journey. 

                                               Namaste,  Holly

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Mudras

What was the best part of your day today?  That one moment when you made a connection?    Today while changing my granddaughter Willow’s diaper, I looked her right in the eyes and said, “Do you know I love you so much!”  She didn’t answer, but made this sign with her tiny little hand.  My heart nearly exploded.  I asked her if she could please hold that while I took her picture, and she actually did.  Hands are more that just functional, the position her hand took   sent me a clear message…I love you too. 

     Our hands carry power and creative energy. With their sensitivity and dexterity we can manipulate all sorts of tools and instruments.  We can heal with their touch, or harm.  The intention we wish to convey can be felt in a single touch or gesture.  The hands are considered sacred, a masterpiece of divine engineering.  Throughout history the hand was viewed as a mini universe, with all the elements at play.  Each finger representing these principles.  The thumb/earth, index finger/metal, middle finger/fire, ring finger/wood and pinky/water.  These elements are woven through art and philosophy in the Chinese tradition.  In India a tradition similar to that of China emerged.  Ancient seers known as (rishis) discovered a connection between the hand and the Pancha  Maha  Bhuta (5 great elements).  The five great elements theory is used throughout East Asia.  It consists of fire, air, ether/space, earth and water.  Stuff of this world, but there is also an inner constitution of these five elements.  Balance between the inner and the outer natural world is said to create harmony.  Through years of research, experiment, and sharing of ideas from other Asian cultures, a large body of gestures known as Mudras came about.  We know quite a bit about mudras, because Hindu and Buddhist scholars wrote formal and systematic discourse in which gestures were described in detail.  They are also described in mythology and depicted in art and dance.

     Other societies in antiquity used “ritual gestures” meaning using the hands for worship.  In ancient Hebrew society, the hand was a symbol of one’s power.  In Egypt, the hands, head or arms were used.  These gestures may be the most difficult and complex to understand.  It is possible that a gesture can be interpreted in a number of ways.  Sometime the form and meaning may be very specific, and other times left for one to discover.

     The ritual use of the hand is laden with symbolism, and consequently a divine offering to the student who wishes to learn and understand.

Understanding the meaning and depth of Hand Mudras

      The word mudra translated form Sanskrit means, “seal” “mark” or “gesture”.  Hand mudras contain two parts, form and context.

     Hand gestures can be of ancient origin, or part of our modern culture.  A simple handshake, crossing our fingers, giving someone a “thumbs up”, or blowing a kiss are ways we communicate without words. Where these gestures first came from is perhaps a mystery, but these non-verbal acts have meaning we understand.  Our hands are the bearers of these important symbols.  Hand gestures encourage us to think deeply about possible meanings. For example,  Chin Mudra is formed by gently placing the tip of the index finger under the tip of the thumb, while keeping the other three fingers extended.   The pressure of your fingers should be very light, and your hands are relaxed.  Once the form is made, you can contemplate  the context if you would like.  The thumb is symbolic of universal consciousness (divine).  The index finger is symbolic of individual consciousness (human).  When the finger and the thumb connect there is a union. It is symbolic as well as energetic.   When meditating using chin mudra, the intent could be personal.  The finite part of ourselves connecting with the infinite self, or in a broader sense, our humaness longs to connect with the cosmic consciousness. 

     Mudra can be practiced any time anywhere, and may be easy or difficult depending on the flexibility of the hands.  Our hands can hold a lot of tension, which can also correspond with tension in the body.  Over time and with practice the hands will become stronger and more flexible.  Always remember mudra are healing and holy gestures, so treat your fingers with love and care.  These gestures can be used in meditation, pranayama (breath work), and asana (yoga postures). Mudra brings to mind how connected we are to each other, and to the practice. (gobodhiyoga.com)

want to Learn More

     Of course, there is a lot of information on the internet.   Some needs to be taken with a grain of salt, but if you are willing to sort through it all you can began to find some common threads of knowledge.  Here are some references I have found helpful:

Gertrud, Hirschi.  MUDRAS: Yoga in your Hands.  Samuel Weiser, Inc. 2000

Cain, Carroll.  Mudras of YOGA.  Singing Dragon; Crds edition. October 31, 2013

Cain, Carroll.  Mudras of India: A comprehensive guide to the Hand Gestures of Yoga and Indian Dance.  Singing Dragon; 1st edition.  July 1, 2013

     I love working with hand mudras and the centering, focus and connection they can bring to the practice.  Give it a try, I would love to hear your thoughts.

                                                                   Namaste, Holly

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MANIPURA

Standing in your own personal power is easier said than done, right?  Last week in my yoga therapy session we talked about being the “Boss,” and within any given situation there is a dance of power.  Aggression or passiveness, dominance or submission, the victim or the abuser, each holding opposing truths. These qualities might also be viewed as strengths-weaknesses based on your perspective.

     The subject came up after working on a construction site building a lake house in Maine.  I traveled with my husband and the general contractor to put in a very full week of work.  Traveling across the country amidst a pandemic was a bit tricky, but we were able to get there and work.  I had been asked to come and help, because of my nature of constantly keeping busy and seeing what needs to be done. I felt honored in some small way to get the invitation to help.  I clearly was not the “Boss,” and spent six long days being bossed around.  I don’t mind hard work, and I’m grateful when I don’t have to be in charge, but I don’t enjoy being bossed around.  I was quite surprised by the emotions that came up a few days into the job.  I found my self getting more and more irritated as the week progressed.  Generally, quite tolerant by nature, I was annoyed with how much this started to bug me.  I was bugged that I was bugged!  After I had some time to process the experience, I realized that it was more about how a person talks to you than what they are asking you to do.

     Truthfully, I probably manifested this experience as a teaching moment…as I have been trying to write this article on personal power for several months.  Reflecting back on this situation, I think the thing that bothered me the most, was my own inability to be direct and state exactly what I wanted and needed.  “I’m happy to help, but please talk to me in a way that is not condescending.” Condescension is usually a tone of voice more than anything.  After evaluating myself, was I just being overly sensitive?  I tried to look at the situation with an honest, unbiased point of view.  I realized the Boss carries most of the responsibility, they want to do a good job.  They may have anxiety and feel the need to control the situation, completely unaware of the impact they might be having on others.  I also have a responsibility to myself.  This is where my personal power was lacking.  I never took the opportunity to address the matter in a tactful, nonconfrontational way.  I had already let my emotions get the better of me.  I was to afraid to be direct and specific about what was happening and how it was impacting my work and attitude.  I did not express what was bothering me, and what changes I would like to see, rather I just kept getting more and more agitated.

     In Yoga Therapy/process work I role played this scenario with my Therapist. The roles were reversed.   I played the “Boss” and he played me.  I was extremely bossy, and very annoying.  My therapist took it for only a few minutes, then role played back to me.  Very directly, and without too much emotion, he simply said, “I don’t like it when you talk to me that way.”  Sounded so easy, nope not always easy.

     Why?  Let’s talk about our personal power center, the 3rd Chakra known as “Manipura.” This Chakra is located at the solar plexus, and its purpose is transformation. The potential to bring change and growth to ourselves and the world around us, resides in this energy center.  Just like your digestive system transmutes matter into energy, the 3rd chakra houses your inner fire that is transformative.  This inner fire empowers you to move forward on your path with courage and inner strength.

     The first chakra gives us roots to our tribe and containment for our energy to flow.  The 2nd chakra is about the fluid movement of energy through emotions and connection.   The 3rd chakra transforms our energy into a willed action, using conscious choice directed by the ego.   I like to say the ego acts like our personal CEO, mediating between the external/physical, and the internal/conscious world.   Think of it like this, our psyches consist of three parts:  the conscious self, the unconscious self, and the higher self.  The ego is concerned with the conscious self. It is the “I” or “me,” and it is how we interact with the outside world.  Sometimes the Ego gets a bad rap, and in some circles said to be an obstacle to enlightenment, but a healthy ego allows us to mature with a loving sense of self.  It gives us the ability to solve problems creatively, become resilient, and develop meaningful relationships.    We were not born with an ego, this allowed us to be one with our mamma.  As we grew and learned to relate to those around us, we began to understand ourselves. Each experience began to shape our identity and taught us lessons about power.  Where do we get it?  How do we use it? Why do we need it?

PERSONAL POWER

     Authentic power does not come from external sources, it does not come from what we do, but from who we are.  The truth is, the Divine is in our DNA, it is in our biological system in seven stages of power that lead and guide us to become more refined and transcendent in our personal power (Myss, 2017).   Our power comes from a sense that we are autonomous, and we have the ability to consciously choose what is best for ourself.  Then using our will to act upon that choice, is how we develop healthy power. 

     Personal power does not come from playing it safe.  It is about choosing a direction of action, then acting.  Healthy actions stem from pure desires, not from the ego.  When our higher self is directing our actions, we can acknowledge that self-interest is part of our nature, and looking after ourselves is good. Equally important is practicing the principle of altruism.  When we are concerned for the welfare of others as well as ourselves, everyone gains.

     We need personal power to enable us to set strong yet flexible boundaries.  A boundary signifies where you end and I begin.  We learned boundaries when we were small, and they evolved as we grew.   Boundaries are essential for physical and emotional space between others and ourselves. They show people how we want to be treated – letting others know what’s okay and what’s not.

     Without a sense of personal power, we often say ‘yes’ when we mean ‘no.’  So often we compromise ourselves unknowingly.  We do this by following unconscious patterns when relating to others. We can lose sight of what it is that we really want, in order to be liked and accepted.  The fear of rejection or disappointing others keeps us from truly expressing how we really feel or what we value.  When we understand that healthy boundaries allow us to be true to who we really are, we can take personal responsibility in communicating to others that we have self-respect and self-worth.  Exercising our personal power protects us from being manipulated, used or violated by others.

The Misuse of Power

     The misuse of personal power often involves trying to get someone else to do or get something for us that we can but won’t do for ourselves.  Expecting others to make us happy, fulfilled, successful, rich, proud or complete.  When we don’t act as an agent for our own lives, we feel acted upon.  When we give our power away, we make others responsible for our success or failure.  We live our lives as martyrs and victims, resenting and blaming those whom we have given our personal power to.  Manipulation, aggression or control is often used to gain a feeling of power over another, in order to raise our perception of self-esteem.  Every human has the potential to abuse power.  When we take from others or diminish their power, we harm others, in turn harming ourselves. Like I said earlier, power is not a force to be used as a weapon to get our own way.

Manipura City of Jewels

     Manipura means city of jewels.  Our personal journey is to plant and cultivate the seeds of clarity, self-confidence, self-assurance, knowledge, wisdom and the ability to make correct decisions in our city.  A city symbolizes our individual interior with its complexities and inner workings, as well as its limitations. When our inner workings/city is balanced, energy flows freely and the effect is like a power station giving us vitality and strength.  This power station is the hub of the digestive process, both physically and metaphorically, transforming raw material into empowering energy.  (gobodhiyoga.com) Just as we would protect our homes or business against theft, we need to consciously be aware of what robs our personal energy.  When our personal power center experiences energy theft, the result is disempowerment. And now we are working from a deficit.  The energy we lack may be confidence, courage and will power.

Regaining Personal Power

     The key to regaining personal power is to recognize where and to whom you are giving your power.  STOP giving away your power just to please others and fit in.  If you are constantly chipping away at your self-worth, it is easy to become a victim. Ask yourself, are you taking a “victim” role?  If so, examine why, what are you gaining from taking this role? If your personal power was taken from you at an early age, being a victim may become part of your core believes about who you are and how you fit into the world. Many of the beliefs we have about ourselves are subconscious. I know it may be hard to hear, but your role as a victim is a personal choice.  You can choose another path.  You are the creator of your own story, not one that is authored by others.

     Sometimes we view our suffering as a twisted sort of virtue, claiming to be tolerant, forgiving, and nonjudgmental, all the while deliberately subjecting ourselves to pain and abuse, becoming a martyr. This belief that we are suffering for a higher purpose only encourages powerlessness to grow.  Take a stand for yourself and replace this incorrect belief pattern with the truth…You do have the right to be here and have respect.  You do have the right to feel, and you do have the right to act and be an individual.  Do your best not to complain about things, it only implies you have no power over your situation, be a problem solver instead.  Take responsibility for your feelings, doing your best to not let others dictate your emotions.  Remember your boundaries, and forgive others.

     The sacred truth of this chakra is to Honor oneself, to mature in self-understanding to learn to stand on our own and take care of ourselves. To create an identity apart from our tribal self.  Maturing is a conscious decision, a rite of passage, an achievement that requires choice and personal power.  This could take a lifetime, but it starts with a clear vision of who you really are.  You are the creator of your own story. Every choice you make either empowers you or robs your energy.  Every choice you make to enhance your spirit strengthens your power.

 Namaste, Holly

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My Favorite Things About Yoga

The work- the process, the breathing, the chanting, the learning, the feeling, the opening, the closing, the twisting, the stretching, the strengthening, the grounding, the resting, the meditating, the connecting, the quiet, the focus, the rhythm…the yoga.  Yoga is an education of internal discipline, cultivating inner clarity and inner strength.

            The yoga process allows habits and ways of being, and feeling to modify and leave on their own. This is not to say there is No resistance to letting go of old pleasures, or that you do not have to use intelligence to free yourself from aspects of your life that are no longer serving you.  Rather, the energy of yoga, and the awareness it brings, makes what is, and what is not conducive to your life and well-being more obvious.  The day to day practice gives you messages that are very difficult to ignore…  Also, journaling your thoughts and insights help you to see where you are at, and where you have grown.

            7/16/2018 

            Today in practice my instructor Jenny said, “Laugh at your inner musings.  Reflect on your inner thoughts.” This is a path to enlightenment.  “Lighten Up!”

            7/17/2018

            I have a tendency to vacillate between security and adventure.  Spending more time in the security zone.  Yes, security is necessary as a base/root or launching pad, but too much dampens growth, and keeps newness out.

            11/3/2018

            The goal of meditation is to integrate the spirit.  Becoming whole at the deepest spiritual level.  Why is this so hard to maintain?

            11/1/2018

            While reading verses from the Bhagavad Gita, I was reminded of the hike I use to do with my friends several times a week.  Juanita, Julie and I, would hike our butts off to reach a place mid-point up the trail that we called, “Pay-day.”  The trail opens up here, and we could see the whole valley below.  On clear days we could see across the Great Salt Lake to Antelope Island, and beyond.  Once a year we would plan a trip to the summit. Crossing the stream for the third time, meandering through the ferns, and finding our way up “rocky ridge,” left us at the foot of the face below the summit.  We called this place, “Death Row.”  Like every marathon we ever ran together we always said the race began at mile 20, and so it was with this hike. When our feet started the ascent, the focus began.  This was where the internal focus really started.  No more talking, eating or laughing, just the sound of your breath as you carefully placed one foot in front of the other until you each reached the top.  “Pay-day” paled in comparison to this grander view on top of the mountain.  From this vantage point we could see multiple valleys and the mountains beyond.  An excerpt from the Gita “Closing their eyes, steadying their breath, and focusing their attention on the center of spiritual consciousness, the wise master their senses, mind, and intellect through meditation.  Self-realization is their only goal.  Freed from selfish desire, fear, and anger, they live in freedom always.”  Gita 5:27-28

Baer Canyon Trail, "Pay Day"

            Yoga strengths you physically and psychologically.  It opens you up to assimilate change in your life, and it grounds you energetically.  Practicing yoga helps develop a new kind of security, the security of knowing you can respond to what ever challenges life may bring with grace.  I have spent some time thinking about how my faith in Christ plays a role in my personal yoga practice.  Personally, for me as I have developed and grown in my practice, I have noticed a greater sensitivity to spirit.  I feel more aligned in many more aspects of my life.  I feel stronger in so many ways.  I am learning that I am not a container for others emotions, and I don’t have to fix others.  I’m learning to sit with my emotions until they are gone or become productive.  I am learning to not project my thoughts and feelings onto others, and I am learning to love myself.  Ultimately becoming free from greed, hate and delusion…which in yoga is called “Bodhi.”

Bodhi (Bo-dhee), v.

The knowledge or awareness by which one experiences enlightenment

The experience of awakening through awareness, pure intent, faith unwavering

www.gobodhiyoga.com

            Yoga at its core is looking within to understand the timeless question, “Who am I?”  Awakening to your own individual potential, and aligning yourself with something higher, allows for the best in you to come out.  In this life, gain knowledge, take action, and Love deeply, remembering you can overcome all difficulties through God’s grace.

Namaste,  Holly
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Emotion

Have you ever stood on the beach with the waves crashing, or taken a hike on a snowy day and “felt” the quiet? What is it that you are sensing?  You might say the wind or the smell of salt water or you might notice the temperature or the stillness.  This is energy.  It may come to us in the form of light, sound, pressure, temperature, gravity, or chemical energy detected by smell or taste. There are electric fields and magnetic fields of energy as well. Really there is no need to make it too complicated, all you need to do is get quiet, become present and begin to notice what is going on outside of you.  As we take in this external stimulus called sensation, your sense organs engage in a conversion process called transduction.  Transduction is the conversion of one form of energy into another.  Physical energy is converted into a form of electrical energy that our brains can understand.  Like magic we began to make sense of all this stimulation, and if we are conscious enough, we can begin to appreciate the complex world around us. This is called perception.

 Try this, close your eyes and take a deep breath.  Put your bare feet on the ground and bring your attention to your feet.  Just by noticing you will feel your energy grounding.  Let’s try something else.  Remember that one time when your eyes met someone else’s and you got what my husband calls “eye-lock” and you felt an energetic charge.  Maybe it was attraction or repulsion, either way most likely you felt it somewhere in your body. This is energy moving through your body.  Energy may be felt as sensations of contraction like a tension headache or expansion like a good belly laugh.  Emotion literally means energy in motion. Emotions can be described as having an upward spiraling effect which correlates with expansion and feelings of lightness, peace and happiness, or a downward spiraling effect which correlates with contraction and feelings such as fear, depression or discouragement. The truth is, emotion is neutral.  What makes emotions positive or negative has more to do with the programs that we run that energy through. It is our programming that interprets emotional energy and gives it meaning. How you deal with and use your emotional energy is a key factor to your happiness.

 Our fast paced lives can create stress, this constant stress can be overwhelming.  In order for us to cope with this stress, we disconnect as a way of protection.  This disconnection cuts us off from tough emotions and overwhelming sensations, but this results in a buildup of energy that gets suppressed in our bodies.  We feel contracted, or restricted in some way. This contraction often times feels like pain or discomfort. If we are disconnected it can be a scary process to reconnect, especially if there is trauma involved.  Reconnecting may take us back to the painful experience, causing us to relive it.  Learning to move through tough emotions often requires support from others, but only in the way of listening or holding space.  No one can process your emotional energy for you, and all to often we project it on others.

One of my Yoga teachers was very effective at teaching me how to recognize emotional energy.  At the beginning of each yoga class we would tune in.  She would ask how each of us was feeling, then have us describe the sensation in our bodies, without telling a story about it.  If I said I was tired for example, because I only got four hours of sleep.  She would ask me to focus on the sensation I was feeling, rather than the story behind why I might be tired.  I was   encouraged to explain how and where I was feeling sensation.  I might then say…my eyes are burning; my legs are weak and my head aches. She told all of us in class that the sensations we felt in our bodies were reliable, and that these sensations were the key to transforming our stress and unlocking our limiting patterns. Instead of ignoring our body sensations, we were encouraged to trust them, sit with them and breathe until the energy shifted or was released.  We used a technique called diaphragmatic breathing, which she called “Soft Belly.”

The breath is our greatest tool for moving through tough emotions. Allowing yourself to feel while using your breath as a tool, actually moves emotional energy. Being sensitive to your body’s natural rhythm, and not rushing or forcing the healing process is important. This healing does not look like analyzing and talking about how you feel, but rather identifying where the sensation of contraction is felt…being curious about it, then releasing through it. During training at www.gobodhiyoga.com I learned through the regular practice of breathwork and asana/postures, that emotions stored in the tissues of the body can find a release, and the mind, body and spirit can then experience a clearing, resulting in feelings of expansion rather than contraction.  In this expanded state you will feel lighter, relieved or more peaceful and present.  Over time this can rewire your brain, creating new pathways towards happiness.  How you might ask, breathwork and meditation activates a region of the brain known as the insula.  This part of the brain is involved in “introception.”  Introception means tuning into the sensations you feel in inside as well as your deep feelings. When this part of the brain is activated it grows.  That means we have greater potential.

With practice and time, I am learning to ride the waves of emotion more gracefully. It feels good being able to come to a balanced state much more quickly when I’m faced with strong emotion. Having tools to help me has made all the difference in the world.   Learning to process emotion real-time if possible, is what I’m striving for.  Suppressed emotions seem to get bigger, especially when I have a story around an experience.  When I can bring a mindful focus to what my body is telling me, get quiet and listen,  I can begin the work of letting go of what no longer serves me.  The day to day practice gives me messages that are very difficult to ignore. Journalist Brianna Wiest said, “Self-care is often a very unbeautiful thing. It is often doing the ugliest thing that you have to do…”  It doesn’t always look like going to the spa, or on a relaxing vacation although these feel good momentarily.  Self-care is facing your deepest, darkest emotions which may not be pretty, processing them using techniques that work, and allowing God’s graced to heal you.   

                                                         Namaste,

                                                                           Holly

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The Chakra System

An Ancient Tradition

The chakra system has a long history, with its earliest appearance in the Vedic texts of India. The word Chakra pronounced (CHak-ruh) means “disk” or “wheel.” These early texts referred to a chariot driver called a Chakravartin or the king who “turns the wheel of his empire” in all directions starting from the center.  The center part of the wheel is symbolic of the influence and power of the great king.  Although this is not the concept of the chakra system practiced today in the West, as the seven energy centers of the body.  This original meaning is just as powerful to me, in that I am the driver of my chariot/body/mind.  I turn the wheel on my own journey to wholeness, and at the center is the influence and power of God. 

As a young child I had a profound experience about the Chakra system, where I saw and knew that I had a line of energy that ran through the central axis of my very being. It began deep in my core and ended at my crown.  Energy traveled up and down this white line of energy, and in my young little mind, I would have described it as a striped soda straw. I didn’t think this was unusual, and thought everyone else knew this as well.  I did not see spinning balls of colored light, but what I did know was that energy did not just move haphazardly in my body.  There was some sort of order to the way I experienced things in this subtle body of mine.

From its original origins the concept of chakra has been evolving.  From the Vedas, to the Upanishads, to Patanjali and Tantric traditions to where we are now in the West. In this new age of chakras, it is understood to be subtle energy centers within the body.  Corresponding to nerve plexus, glands and organs, as well as developmental stages and psychological functions. This model of the seven-chakra system is quite modern, and seeks to integrate parts of us that we have lost.  In “Anatomy of the Spirit,” the author Caroline Myss, describes the function of the chakras in this way.  “Every thought and experience you’ve ever had in your life get filtered through these chakra databases.  Each event is recorded into your cells…”    

Energy is constantly moving around us and through us in many forms. This energy is received and expressed in the human body via the chakra system. Eastern traditions describe this system as a network within our bodies. This network is said to be 72,000+ subtle nadis.  Nadis are not nerves, but energy pathways.  They are not physical, and if you were to cut the body open you would not find them. None the less they exist, and you can experience them.  The energy that moves in these 72,000+ pathways or channels spring from three fundamental nadis, called Ida, Pingala, and Sushumna. 

Sushumna nadi, which translates to “most gracious” is the center column. This is the main channel which I described earlier from my childhood experience. When I learned about the Sushumna nadi, I immediately knew I had context for this experience. The Sushumna runs through the central channel of the spinal cord and represents consciousness. In the Sushumna channel is where “Kundalini” energy rises up from the root to find its true home at the crown. My teacher Guruprasad Singh said, “Kundalini is not some mystical energy, it is You, the unfolding of your consciousness, and when this happens you become VERY effective in life.” 

Sushumna, Ida and Pingala, all originate at the base of the spine.  Ida represents the moon and feminine energy.  Pingala represents the sun and masculine energy. From this starting point at the base of the spine, Ida and Pingala spiral around the Sushumna/center column crossing each other at each chakra energy center until they end at the nostrils. The chakras are the power centers where the Ida and Pingala intersect.  Each chakra power center makes up what is known as the “subtle body.”

Through these subtle channels the universal vital life force or conscious energy known as “Prana,” flows along these pathways.  This life force/conscious energy is not visible to our eyes, but is apparent in our countenance or aura.  This intricate energy system communicates with the body via the biological systems, keeping us balanced and healthy, physically, spiritually and emotionally.  My teacher Syl from www.gobodhiyoga.com taught that energy is in every cell of the body, as well as the chakra system, but it is in the main channel where the energy is condensed.  This means that every action that we take or reaction we have is housed inside our bodies.  This includes our thoughts, words and deeds.  When our actions are negative or out of alignment with our highest Self, prana pulls away from this central channel, and no longer flows freely, causing an imbalance. (losing the spirit)

 It is important to understand that there are many energy centers in the body besides just seven.  This helps us look for the common thread in other models for integrating wholeness and balance.  For example, Chinese meridians used for acupuncture, as well as Japanese Reiki, both are ancient practices for wholeness.  In this new model of the chakra system it’s important to remember that we cannot know all things now, much of it is still theory with common threads of truth, so we need to approach it with some humility.  One thing we can do is experiment and observe what works.

On a personal note, the seven-chakra model has been beneficial in my yoga practice. Through movement and breath work these channels can open up, bringing to light past memories or trauma that need to be cleared.  Learning to clear out what is no longer serving me, and making space for what will serve me is a work in progress. I am fully invested in getting real with my internal baggage, and how it unconsciously drives me to make choices that don’t always propel me on the path to my higher Self. Learning to let go of my ego is not easy, but when I do my actions always lead me to the greater good.

Weaving the concepts of East and West together can assist us on our journey towards wholeness. The chakra system is a model for our growth and development, but only in that it represents a deeper internal reality.  The chakra system is just one way, and it may be right for you, but others may find healing and wholeness through other ways.  As we embark on the journey to heal, let us be true seekers of knowledge, observing what works, and what is truth.  Afterall the journey from earth to heaven is a spiritual one, and if you embark on the journey, I hope you find spiritual freedom.

                                                                                                   Namaste, Holly 

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Svadhisthana

Where does the sweetness of life originate within our being? Chakra philosophy claims it resides in the second or sacral chakra.  In Sanskrit, an ancient Indian language, the second chakra is called Svadhisthana.  Swa translates to “one’s own” Adhisthana means “abode or seat.” In other words, “One’s own seat.”  My teacher Syl at www.gobodhiyoga.com calls this area the “sweet spot.” My grandchildren are all in this stage of development.  I love watching them take pleasure in connecting with others. They love snuggling, hugging or giving you kisses.  They love to hold your hand, and for the most part always prefer to do so.  They are instinctively curious about their bodies, put almost everything in their mouth, and they are  constantly in motion.  When they sleep their breath is deep and full.  They are loved, and their reaching out is met with encouragement. They live in the present and fully enjoy being alive. They’re beginning to relate to others outside their family, at church and in small play groups.  I love seeing their imaginations and creativity growing. At any given moment they are exercising their right of choice, which is often accompanied by tantrums, and NO!  They like doing things for themselves, saying things like, “I do it myself!” They are so stinking cute and smart.  They are like little sponges, taking everything in.  They feel safe moving their bodies and do so spontaneously whenever they hear music.  They are in the seat of the Self, enjoying the “sweet-spot.” They are moving from a world of instincts governed by their root chakra, to gaining a new sense of self in the form of emotions.

Grand Children

     Sadly, not all of us had these privileges or grew up this way, nor presently do all children have stability and love, allowing them to explore and individualize.  Often young children have to shoulder adult responsibilities, and in the extreme, become the caregiver to their parent or sibling.  Maybe we were only given pleasurable things when we behaved a certain way, so pleasure came with strings attached. When we had big emotions such as sadness, anger or neediness, those emotions were met with denial of love, lack of support, or distraction.  Traumas and abuses come to all of us in many forms, and steal away our basic right to feel and have pleasure. Often these basic rights to feel and have pleasure are denied or manipulated by others, eventually making us emotionally numb.  If we have strong emotions such as anger or fear caused by painful experiences out of our control, and we don’t know how to process these emotions, we are likely to turn these emotions inward on ourselves. Believing that it is our own fault, creating guilt, that in turn blocks us from experiencing the sweetness of life.

     Growing up, my parents were loving and attended to my needs the best they could.  I was loved, nurtured, and well cared for.  I felt physically safe, but at times emotionally uneasy as my parents had a difficult time communicating and resolving problems.  My Mother grew up with an alcoholic Father during the Depression. These circumstances created a lot of fear.  My Father grew up in this same era.  He was born in 1929, the very year the Great Depression commenced. The collective energy of this era left its scars.  Fear of not having enough was manifested in so many areas of my Father’s life.  He was loving and nurturing at times, but also had a temper.  I spent most of my childhood trying to not make him mad. Believing if he was upset or angry in some way it was my fault.  I know now that this is not true, that his anger was not mine to carry, but as a child I did not understand this. My Mother was the bread-winner of our family, and stood for long hours. At the end of the day I would often see her at her adding machine, punching the numbers and worrying about money. Some days she was full of energy and other days she would lie on the bed with a terrible back ache.  From an early age I felt it was my responsibility to help make things less difficult for my parents. I became proficient at managing circumstances to feel a sense of control.  I developed a reasonable sense of trust in myself and others, but my lens on life became somewhat distorted, viewing things from a fear-based perspective.  It has taken a lot of inner work to recognize I am operating from a program with flaws.  

     Born into Christianity, I am well acquainted with the Bible.  Recently I’ve discovered it states over a hundred times to not be afraid.   I believe what God is saying, so once should be enough right?  Let’s get real here, I’m still afraid a lot.  Is it because I lack faith?  Possibly, but I genuinely feel that it is because my programing has got some “bugs” in it.  I’m grateful for God’s constant reminder and loving patience while I learn to sit with my fears and learn to let go of them.  I’m working on updating my faulty programs with self-awareness and self-acceptance. This awareness helps me get to the root of my fears, and self-acceptance allows me to have compassion for myself while I work through these emotions.  As my lens becomes clearer, I am able to see that fear and guilt rob me from the pleasure of life. As my foundation of who I really am becomes stronger, I am able to set clearer boundaries for myself.  My vessel or container (Me) is able to hold space for the “sweetness” of life.  Because I have experienced the “sweet spot” in my life many times, I know it is possible to live life from this place, and not just from survival.

Milford, Utah

     This sweet spot, Svadhisthana is said to be located in the lower abdomen.  The center of our sexuality.  It is symbolized as the element water, also symbolizing motion and change. Water, just like emotions, are fluid and constantly changing.   Water is also transformative and refreshing, just like the pleasurable things in life.  We are meant to move and explore the world around us. Transforming ourselves and all things we come in contact with. We have been given an amazing playground for our growth and learning. Our second chakra program is set up for movement and connection.

     As infants we didn’t comprehend that we were separate from our mothers, but as we began to crawl and then walk, there came a realization that we were sperate from her.  This is when the concept of duality and polarity begin, it is more than just an awareness of our self, it is an awareness of the other.  When we were going through this stage of development, and our basic needs were met, then we felt free to begin this exploration of “self” and “other.” Using our senses as a gateway between the internal and external world, we began to collect data into our little systems allowing us to connect and give meaning to our experiences. As humans we want to connect, desires arise and emotions follow.  Whatever we want to connect with sets this action in motion.  We could have a desire to connect to nature, or another person, a pet, music or art. You get the picture.  As part of this polarity we began to tell the difference between pleasure and pain, and if our basic needs for survival are met, then the drive towards pleasure is in our program. 

     On the other hand, if our foundation as an infant was not established, we most likely have imbalances, either excessive or deficient.  When we lack root support or a foundation, then pleasure is sacrificed on the alter for survival, and our sacral chakra which governs our power of connection, our creative exploration of life, our sexuality, and our power of choice is diminished.  We might have difficulty forming harmonious relationships and friendships.  Our sexuality may be shrouded with shame, guilt, addiction, deprivation, fear, or even duty. We become deficient in our creative center, and rigid in our thinking.  We fear change and lack an overall desire for passion and excitement in all its forms.  To compensate for our imbalances or lack of security not provided by our foundation or root, we may become excessive.  This excessiveness can show up as the lack of ability to create healthy boundaries, or invading others boundaries through control, abuse, or bullying of others.  If we don’t consciously recognize our imbalances, then our physical bodies will reach out for some kind of “fix” to create balance, which will usually result in an addiction. Sexual addictions have their root in the second chakra.  We may also compensate by being overly sensitive or emotionally dependent on others for our happiness. 

     Don’t be too surprised that there are definite physical problems that can arise from these energetic imbalances.  The bladder, prostate, ovaries, kidneys, gall bladder, bowel and spleen are all governed by the sacral chakra.  Don’t despair, remember this chakra is divinely programmed.  Its job is to facilitate change, we just need to uncover where we are blocked or where we need to create containment and boundaries for healing to happen. Pleasure encourages us to connect and integrate, while pain drives us to separate and disown, but our negative emotions are the very thing that initiates our quest for change.  If we run from these challenging emotions, then we run from the open door to transformation.  Introspection helps us start to uncover the mysteries of why we do the things we do or act the way we act, but many emotions are trapped or frozen inside our bodies not available to our consciousness minds.  This is where I believe meditation and movement are essential.   In meditation we can learn to experience our Self beyond our thoughts and emotions, beyond the limits of our physical body.  It is here that we gain insight into what is holding us back, or what is excessive and out of balance. We are able to see our blind spots and bias more clearly.  Meditation allows us to enter the unconscious, accessing forgotten memories and past traumas that may be wreaking havoc in our lives.  Movement and meditation can heal or cleanse these blockages of repressed or trapped emotions.  It is in the stillness that we open to grace. It is in movement and breath that we release. Remember that meditation can become a safe place where we can practice connection, connection to Self, connection to God.  

     Allowing yourself simple pleasures is healing, suppressing basic pleasures creates a need for overindulgence, which in turn turns to pain.  Pain is an indication we are going the wrong way.  Instead seek for satisfaction, and contentment. Remember this is your pleasure center, your “sweet spot.”  It is the spring for your passion and sexuality in life, your potential for creation, and your need for connection.  It is through our desire we create movement, and through movement we create change, and through change we stimulate consciousness. Understanding the essence and function of our sacral chakra gives as the ability to balance it.  Now as an adult, I try to see myself as that little girl, excited to run and jump into life with both feet, free from fear and quilt. Learning from my own grandchildren to reach out and make connections.  To try new things, for the sheer pleasure of learning.  To be curious about my body, and the messages it is sending me.  Maybe not throwing tantrums, but trying to express my emotions in a positive way. Lastly, saying hell no when a boundary I have set for myself is crossed.  Brene Brown, a well-known researcher and writer, said that setting clear boundaries allows you to be more compassionate. When she understood boundaries more clearly, she said of her self, “I may not be as nice as I use to be, but I’m more loving.”  Working to heal and balance my second chakra has required a deep look inside of myself.  My second chakra journey is a work in progress, and ultimately I hope to someday fully enjoy life.  

                                                                                                              Namaste, Holly

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