Standing in your own personal power is easier said than done, right? Last week in my yoga therapy session we talked about being the “Boss,” and within any given situation there is a dance of power. Aggression or passiveness, dominance or submission, the victim or the abuser, each holding opposing truths. These qualities might also be viewed as strengths-weaknesses based on your perspective.
The subject came up after working on a construction site building a lake house in Maine. I traveled with my husband and the general contractor to put in a very full week of work. Traveling across the country amidst a pandemic was a bit tricky, but we were able to get there and work. I had been asked to come and help, because of my nature of constantly keeping busy and seeing what needs to be done. I felt honored in some small way to get the invitation to help. I clearly was not the “Boss,” and spent six long days being bossed around. I don’t mind hard work, and I’m grateful when I don’t have to be in charge, but I don’t enjoy being bossed around. I was quite surprised by the emotions that came up a few days into the job. I found my self getting more and more irritated as the week progressed. Generally, quite tolerant by nature, I was annoyed with how much this started to bug me. I was bugged that I was bugged! After I had some time to process the experience, I realized that it was more about how a person talks to you than what they are asking you to do.
Truthfully, I probably manifested this experience as a teaching moment…as I have been trying to write this article on personal power for several months. Reflecting back on this situation, I think the thing that bothered me the most, was my own inability to be direct and state exactly what I wanted and needed. “I’m happy to help, but please talk to me in a way that is not condescending.” Condescension is usually a tone of voice more than anything. After evaluating myself, was I just being overly sensitive? I tried to look at the situation with an honest, unbiased point of view. I realized the Boss carries most of the responsibility, they want to do a good job. They may have anxiety and feel the need to control the situation, completely unaware of the impact they might be having on others. I also have a responsibility to myself. This is where my personal power was lacking. I never took the opportunity to address the matter in a tactful, nonconfrontational way. I had already let my emotions get the better of me. I was to afraid to be direct and specific about what was happening and how it was impacting my work and attitude. I did not express what was bothering me, and what changes I would like to see, rather I just kept getting more and more agitated.
In Yoga Therapy/process work I role played this scenario with my Therapist. The roles were reversed. I played the “Boss” and he played me. I was extremely bossy, and very annoying. My therapist took it for only a few minutes, then role played back to me. Very directly, and without too much emotion, he simply said, “I don’t like it when you talk to me that way.” Sounded so easy, nope not always easy.
Why? Let’s talk about our personal power center, the 3rd Chakra known as “Manipura.” This Chakra is located at the solar plexus, and its purpose is transformation. The potential to bring change and growth to ourselves and the world around us, resides in this energy center. Just like your digestive system transmutes matter into energy, the 3rd chakra houses your inner fire that is transformative. This inner fire empowers you to move forward on your path with courage and inner strength.
The first chakra gives us roots to our tribe and containment for our energy to flow. The 2nd chakra is about the fluid movement of energy through emotions and connection. The 3rd chakra transforms our energy into a willed action, using conscious choice directed by the ego. I like to say the ego acts like our personal CEO, mediating between the external/physical, and the internal/conscious world. Think of it like this, our psyches consist of three parts: the conscious self, the unconscious self, and the higher self. The ego is concerned with the conscious self. It is the “I” or “me,” and it is how we interact with the outside world. Sometimes the Ego gets a bad rap, and in some circles said to be an obstacle to enlightenment, but a healthy ego allows us to mature with a loving sense of self. It gives us the ability to solve problems creatively, become resilient, and develop meaningful relationships. We were not born with an ego, this allowed us to be one with our mamma. As we grew and learned to relate to those around us, we began to understand ourselves. Each experience began to shape our identity and taught us lessons about power. Where do we get it? How do we use it? Why do we need it?
PERSONAL POWER
Authentic power does not come from external sources, it does not come from what we do, but from who we are. The truth is, the Divine is in our DNA, it is in our biological system in seven stages of power that lead and guide us to become more refined and transcendent in our personal power (Myss, 2017). Our power comes from a sense that we are autonomous, and we have the ability to consciously choose what is best for ourself. Then using our will to act upon that choice, is how we develop healthy power.
Personal power does not come from playing it safe. It is about choosing a direction of action, then acting. Healthy actions stem from pure desires, not from the ego. When our higher self is directing our actions, we can acknowledge that self-interest is part of our nature, and looking after ourselves is good. Equally important is practicing the principle of altruism. When we are concerned for the welfare of others as well as ourselves, everyone gains.
We need personal power to enable us to set strong yet flexible boundaries. A boundary signifies where you end and I begin. We learned boundaries when we were small, and they evolved as we grew. Boundaries are essential for physical and emotional space between others and ourselves. They show people how we want to be treated – letting others know what’s okay and what’s not.
Without a sense of personal power, we often say ‘yes’ when we mean ‘no.’ So often we compromise ourselves unknowingly. We do this by following unconscious patterns when relating to others. We can lose sight of what it is that we really want, in order to be liked and accepted. The fear of rejection or disappointing others keeps us from truly expressing how we really feel or what we value. When we understand that healthy boundaries allow us to be true to who we really are, we can take personal responsibility in communicating to others that we have self-respect and self-worth. Exercising our personal power protects us from being manipulated, used or violated by others.
The Misuse of Power
The misuse of personal power often involves trying to get someone else to do or get something for us that we can but won’t do for ourselves. Expecting others to make us happy, fulfilled, successful, rich, proud or complete. When we don’t act as an agent for our own lives, we feel acted upon. When we give our power away, we make others responsible for our success or failure. We live our lives as martyrs and victims, resenting and blaming those whom we have given our personal power to. Manipulation, aggression or control is often used to gain a feeling of power over another, in order to raise our perception of self-esteem. Every human has the potential to abuse power. When we take from others or diminish their power, we harm others, in turn harming ourselves. Like I said earlier, power is not a force to be used as a weapon to get our own way.
Manipura City of Jewels
Manipura means city of jewels. Our personal journey is to plant and cultivate the seeds of clarity, self-confidence, self-assurance, knowledge, wisdom and the ability to make correct decisions in our city. A city symbolizes our individual interior with its complexities and inner workings, as well as its limitations. When our inner workings/city is balanced, energy flows freely and the effect is like a power station giving us vitality and strength. This power station is the hub of the digestive process, both physically and metaphorically, transforming raw material into empowering energy. (gobodhiyoga.com) Just as we would protect our homes or business against theft, we need to consciously be aware of what robs our personal energy. When our personal power center experiences energy theft, the result is disempowerment. And now we are working from a deficit. The energy we lack may be confidence, courage and will power.
Regaining Personal Power
The key to regaining personal power is to recognize where and to whom you are giving your power. STOP giving away your power just to please others and fit in. If you are constantly chipping away at your self-worth, it is easy to become a victim. Ask yourself, are you taking a “victim” role? If so, examine why, what are you gaining from taking this role? If your personal power was taken from you at an early age, being a victim may become part of your core believes about who you are and how you fit into the world. Many of the beliefs we have about ourselves are subconscious. I know it may be hard to hear, but your role as a victim is a personal choice. You can choose another path. You are the creator of your own story, not one that is authored by others.
Sometimes we view our suffering as a twisted sort of virtue, claiming to be tolerant, forgiving, and nonjudgmental, all the while deliberately subjecting ourselves to pain and abuse, becoming a martyr. This belief that we are suffering for a higher purpose only encourages powerlessness to grow. Take a stand for yourself and replace this incorrect belief pattern with the truth…You do have the right to be here and have respect. You do have the right to feel, and you do have the right to act and be an individual. Do your best not to complain about things, it only implies you have no power over your situation, be a problem solver instead. Take responsibility for your feelings, doing your best to not let others dictate your emotions. Remember your boundaries, and forgive others.
The sacred truth of this chakra is to Honor oneself, to mature in self-understanding to learn to stand on our own and take care of ourselves. To create an identity apart from our tribal self. Maturing is a conscious decision, a rite of passage, an achievement that requires choice and personal power. This could take a lifetime, but it starts with a clear vision of who you really are. You are the creator of your own story. Every choice you make either empowers you or robs your energy. Every choice you make to enhance your spirit strengthens your power.
Namaste, Holly
