Before you read further, beware of my strong language. Sorry not sorry as I share an entry from my journal.
“Pissed, pissed, pissed, I’m pissed about things I can do absolutely nothing about! I am completely, totally, utterly, perfectly, entirely, wholly, fully, thoroughly, definitely, certainly, positively, unconditionally, unquestionably, undoubtedly, PISSED!!!!
I’m going to sit here – now- and not move until I’m done being pissed.
It may take a life time—
We will see….”
I sat down my journal and entered my closet, closing the door behind me. 
It was dark and cramped as I sat on the floor among the hanging clothes and shoes. I had not noticed the quality of my breath before, I was to upset. Consciously I closed my eyes and took a long SLOW inhale through my nose trying to soften my belly. Below the navel there was a feeling of darkness, like hitting a wall. This anger felt like tension that was concrete. In that moment, I fully believed I would spend the rest of my life in there, and my family would find me… a pile of bones. I could not possibly see how this situation could be overcome quickly.
I told myself, “lengthen your breath, think soft belly, soft belly.” I began to direct the breath to my lower abdomen. Regulating the breath, but not dominating it. I allowed the emotion of anger to be present while I sat with it and witnessed it in every fiber of my being. The constriction in my throat, the heat and the pressure, the pain in my heart, the pounding in my head, and the nausea. I repeated “anger, anger, anger.” I could feel the wet tears rolling down my cheeks and onto my chest, they came like a river. I let it flow, focusing on the inhale, expanding and softening. Then the exhale and letting go. Allowing myself to feel this anger, was moving this emotional energy. After about twenty minutes I opened my eyes. I was quite surprised, I had not been there very long, but I no longer felt angry. Nothing had changed about my situation, except allowing myself to feel this powerful emotion and process it. It was the soft belly breathing that allowed me to calm my sympathetic nervous system that controls fight or flight, and access my parasympathetic nervous system that is responsible for rest and digest. When it was all over, I felt such relief.
I use this technique of soft belly breathing in my personal practice. I also teach it to my students during yoga, but I had never used it when I was in such a state of distress. I guess you could say this was the perfect experiment to see if what I preach and teach is true, and I’m happy to report it is. If we are alive then we are breathing, but not necessarily this relaxed open belly breath. This deep belly breathing that was once instinctual as a child, in many of us has been replaced with shallow chest breathing. It was not until I started to become mindful of my breathing, that I was able to become aware of “how” I was breathing. I began to notice that on days when there is a lot of noise and pollution, I breathe different. When I’m in traffic, or listening to politics or arguing, if I take a moment to become aware, I notice that my breathing is not deep and slow, but rather shallow. I have definitely noticed how illness, anxiety and those struggling with addictions do not, or cannot access the full diaphragmatic breath. There are also cultural expectations around having a flat stomach, feeling the need to “suck-in” further restricting the diaphragm and our ability to breathe deep. I definitely fell prey to this “sucking-in” for years.
When we breath in this shallow restricted way, our bodies remain in a cycle of constant stress, and like I said previously, our sympathetic nervous system is on overdrive. This shallow breathing allows stress to become a habit, a constant state which affects our health and well being. So, what can we do? “Take a deep Breath!” Breathe slow and deep, soften your belly. Continue breathing in this manner until the relaxation response kicks in. It sounds so simple right? But we take breathing for granted, until we can’t breathe.
What ever it is that is causing the stress, external or internal, we can all benefit from slowing down and deepening the breath. This will in turn slow the heart rate, lower the blood pressure and decrease the stress hormone, cortisol. The beauty of inhaling and exhaling slowly and consciously can have an immediate effect, and with regular practice it will oxygenate the tissues of the body and balance hormonal levels and brain chemistry. www.gobodhiyoga.com
TAKING PERSONAL RESPONSIBILTY
Coming back to my experience with anger, and sitting and breathing through it. In the past I felt I did not have a constructive way to deal with these strong emotions, other than acting them out, or repressing them. The breath has given me access to dealing with strong emotions is a positive and productive way. When I control my breath things can more easily come into perspective, in fact I am usually surprised to discover that there is something entirely different underlying or driving my stress or emotions. With this new perspective, I feel less threatened.
If you think you might be a shallow breather, take a moment and practice soft belly breathing. Lie on your back with one hand on your stomach and the other on your heart. Inhale deeply pushing your stomach into your hand. Try to keep the hand on your heart still. Exhale letting the stomach pull in, relax your chest and shoulders. Once you feel your have mastered soft belly breathing lying down, try it sitting up. Incorporate it, whenever and wherever you can. Practicing how to self-soothe through the breath is a gift we give ourselves and others.
Namaste, Holly
